5th April Tuesday at 4:18pm After the milk and cookies yesterday I really didn't think it could get much better. But How wrong I was! I have always been a dreamer, stopping only to savour the tastes of the occasional delight life serves up. It seems now though, my pallet of life is being treated to a new and wonderful taste each day! Exquisitely detailed gifts awaited my arrival home today. First there was a beautiful and rich dark chocolate cake waiting at the door, with the words " you are my chocolate sweetheart " penned in whip cream on the top. Beside it, a note: " Dawn, you are indeed the dawn in my life, awakening me everyday with your vibrant rays and intense heat. How could i possibly yearn for night again." Evidently James had been at work again. A modern day Romeo he certainly is. With the cunning of Hamlet and the physique of a greek god, how could i be any luckier? With the pending arrival of dark however, I set to wondering where my man must be. Late at work perhaps? After all, his breadwinning skills have always been second to none. Or perhaps he was off picking me some flowers? Or buying me a small and fluffy kitten? When you have a man of this quality it's hard to know what to expect! As the sun descended beneath the hills, and the animals and lunatics alike came out to play, a creak from the door aroused my suspicion. A man wrapped in Luxury scarlet silk entered, carrying a single rose between his teeth. Behind him entered a flock of beautiful white doves, and a group of fluffy white bunnies! This is the man for me I thought! James and I spent the evening conversing over hot chocolate and american style marshmallows, before retiring to our quarters for a date with the stars, the moon and the sky! For surely tomorrow I thought, heaven would be well and truly upon us. 8 comments|post comment

4th April Monday at 10:52pm When I got home today, James had prepared a lovely snack of milk and cookies! We sat under the tree in the back yard, eating our cookies and sipping our milk until we had milk-moustaches. It was a beautiful thing. We wrote beautiful poetry together and discussed current affairs. It was all very civilised really. The smell of putrid B.O and dead carcass eminating from the great city couldn't dampen our spirits, and i had never known such delight as james recited the words he said to his dying gerbal when he was a boy. We felt connected, and for that I am eternally glad. Tears ran down his face and at that moment i turned to him and said " James, you sure are a prime piece of ass." Nothing can come between us now. No man, woman, dog or cat, not even that crazy german sheperd from down the road - even though it does look mighty fine, I've heard it does absolutely no work around the house, so it's no longer an option. We are eloping in the fall, isn't life lovely! We will be touring America to visit all parts and see all people! ahhh the joy of life!!!!! Milk and cookies for all!! 3 comments|post comment

1st April Friday at 7:19am James came home yesterday with an odd powdery substance and a buy-one-get-one-free pack of hypodermic needles. It didn't look like anything that I'd seen before so I just ignored him and went about my business (think cheap plastic dildo sex). A few hours later, he was wailing from the bathroom and he vomitted on the new rug, gross! Sally licked it up but she's been acting funny since. If I had have known, I'd have sold the vomit, I bet it would have had street value of $200. Or perhaps it would have powdered a baby's bottom nicely. 3 comments|post comment

30th March Wednesday at 9:41pm Yall should know my pussy is now puss free. I take the puss out of pussy and what do you have left y lol. post comment

30th March Wednesday at 9:36pm Hey yall! Guess what? Turns out that James and his mates were all, like, having me on with the Herpes thing, turns out his friend is a doctor who he paid off with anal to write me a fake certificate of Herpes and it was really just chicken pox! OMG! It's so funny, we've been smoking spliffs all night to celebrate, I think one of my friends is coming over later with some heavier shit. Sick mate! I've never felt so happy in my life, lol, I nearly wrote herpe, lol! Y'know, like ren and stimpy, HERPE HERPY JOY JOY HERPE HERPE JOY JOY, hahaha. I fell off my chair with herpe joy! I guess now I can be expecting lots of booty. I can go ring my ex-s to let them know I am clean and I guess I'll be getting loads from all them. Who wouldn't want a bit of me? Also, if you were coming to visit James and I but mysteriously cancelled your trip since you found out about the herpes(YEAH I FOUND OUT WHO MY REAL FRIENDS WERE), you're welcome back, I've learnt a lot about people during the past month or so and yeah, I'm forgiving. Fuck me, I'm hungry, and I never seem to put on weight! Some people just can't take the pot and get all lardy. Let's rp stoned lol we should start a stoned rpg where everyone is in slytherin get it because they're green, lol. post comment

21st March Monday at 2:54pm James planted a microphone in my room some time last week and got a recording of me masturbating and he's using it in the ghanima song phantom! I can't figure out what I'm going to do to get him back... perhaps I'll spike his lube. 13 comments|post comment

19th March Saturday at 4:28pm I spent two hours earlier giving hand jobs. And not just a straight motion, I had to twist it a bit because it was more efficient that way. My arm isn't even sore. Go me! Did I mention that I was inflating balloons? Did that even make sense? 3 comments|post comment

19th March Saturday at 11:48am I snagged him. You should have heard him calling to the virgin mary as he climaxed, oh my god. Them's christian virgins are good shit. And you don't have to worry about VDs! 7 comments|post comment

13th March Sunday at 1:20pm mood contemplative One my lunch break today, this guy who I've never spoken to before(he always seems rather shy) started talking to me and I was all "Oh god, are you going to start hitting on me", he must be one of the few people in the building I haven't seen naked, lol, so after a while, we're talking, you know, about life and the world and he asks if I am happy. What are you supposed to say to that? Is anyone happy? I asked him and he said "Probably not, humans are intristically flawed creatures and the very concept of happiness is flawed" so we talked for ages, and I asked him how he find happiness, cus like, he's not bad looking and he started talking about god. I was, liek whoa, and tried to excuse myself to see if there was anyone decent in the toilets for a quickie, but then I though "Dawn, if you pride yourself on being open minded, why don't you give this guy a chance?", so I did. He gave me some leaflets that he had in his backpack, which were pretty cool, or that's at least what I told him. It's all very interesting, the way life throws things at you, and sometimes a challenge is fun. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Poll #453608 Who will win Open to: Friends, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 18 Who will win? View Answers I will shag the Christian 14 (77.8%) The Christian will win over my soul 4 (22.2%) 5 comments|post comment

2nd March Wednesday at 10:15pm Today was Yahoo's 10th anniversary and as a treat to all their registered users, they bought ice cream for everyone. You're supposed to print out this coupon for a free 2 ounce ice cream and take it to Baskin & Robins 31 flavours and you bet your sweet arse that I printed out my coupon. I made James take me (because he's my bitch) and when we got there, this woman with a really big accent tries to tell us that they aren't participating and how she's sick and tired of people bringing those coupons into her store. what.the.fuck? Ok, first off, that's not good customer service. It's downright rude. James wanted to piss in the tip jar, but instead, we ordered a couple of their Starbucks rip-off blended drinks. I ordered a cappucino blast and he, a turtle blast. We patiently waited until she was finished making them and when she was done, I told her that we had changed our minds and we just left. What a fucking cunt! 5 comments|post comment

2nd March Wednesday at 12:13pm James is back from the lock up but he's sort of walking funny, haha! I teased him about being anally probed and walking like a recently married woman, and he slapped me, so I threatened to call the cops so he said sorry. Haha! I just had to tell yall. 1 comment|post comment

28th February Monday at 1:34pm James got arrested last night. He must have been dealing or something and I didn't know it. All I knew is he had some really good shit, man. I'm going to have a party in his room while he's in the joint. Then I'll scratch all of his DVDs and masturbate with his pillow. I'll hide his bottle of wet platinum and delete all of the porn on his computer. And then I'll find his stash because I know the cops didn't find it and I'll smoke all of his weed. And I'll tear out every fifth page of his Anne Rice books. And I'll pee standing up in his bathroom. Yeah. 3 comments|post comment

Get off my face 28th February Monday at 10:30am mood melancholy music Depeche Mode Sorry for the whole updating my journal with one liners thing, I've been so wacked out lately, James sure knows where to get the good shit. I don't really remember that thing about eating people, but I hope it wasn't someone I will miss. I do remember the fudge, which was fantastic. I cut back on the gram crackers and the casual sex, because it's quite difficult when you're not sure who you've given your number to and shit. I was thinking, Houston crew, we should all get really smashed on this good shit James has and then go to one of those really big churches and join in and if any of the bible thumpers give us any trash, we don't mention the grass, just tell them we've been saved by the lord yall know? Picking up at a church might be the closest I get to the Bush girls. Also, I've booked my tickets for my tour of the states, I'm going greyhound(extra booty opportunities to be had here, I've had a mad time and made extra money before in the bathroom of a greyhound). I'll email you if I'm going to be staying at your house, ok? Cool. 3 comments|post comment

27th February Sunday at 2:34pm mood curious music the boops Are Girl Scout cookies are made with real Girl Scouts or artificial Girl Scouts? 1 comment|post comment

27th February Sunday at 12:06am mood disappointed You know, I bet if you cooked it right, human flesh would taste really, really good. However, this is just horrible. The spices are all off. 12 comments|post comment

27th February Sunday at 12:05am mood cranky Arrrgh! Fuck! That is the last fucking time I service everyone at work orally in order to keep them quiet concerning my midget scat porno fetish! 10 comments|post comment

25th February Friday at 12:13pm mood bored music anything but this I don't want to be at work. I somehow hacked my way through the firewall so I can access any website I want and I'm ignoring my phone. 'Boop,' it says. I can hear a customer screaming right now to nothing but dead air. That customer's got some lungs. At least they're persistent. Now... off to find some porn. post comment

Cat-ness 24th February Thursday at 11:52pm mood enthralled Sometimes, late at night, I like to pretend I am my cat. 11 comments|post comment

Sigh. 24th February Thursday at 9:15pm mood horny If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap. 2 comments|post comment

24th February Thursday at 1:01pm mood mischievous finding it hard to believe i'm still here. i am packed and ready to head out for a cross-country sex-a-thon....anyone want to join me? 50 states 50 men and/or women. LET'S GO!!!! 10 comments|post comment

<3Harry Potter 24th February Thursday at 2:32am Fandomesque Pairing meme from gorynna, because I'd go her. Harry Potter: 1. The pairing you first fell in love with: Fleur/Dumbledore. I bet fleur is hot like Xtina and Dumbledore would be well good in the sack and at snogging, because he's old. That shit is hot, after reading a fanfiction of this pairing, I fell in love with the fandom. 2. The pairing you never expected to love as much as you do now: Harry/Luna, esp when Luna is wearing a skirt 6 inches too short and they have hot sex in the quidditch changerooms. That shits hotter than TATU. 3. The pairing everyone else loves that you don't: McGonagall/Hagrid. I bet McG has mastered the one hour orgasm and Hagrid doesn't mind getting his red wings. I bet Hagrid has wide girth and McGonagall can take it anyway Hagrid wants to give it. 4. The pairing you love that everyone else hates: Terry/Neville ITS SO CUTE OMG. 5. The pairing you used to love but don't any longer: Hermione/Snape bad rping experiences have ruined both of these characters in such ways that I never want to think of either of them again, let along then shagging each other. 6 comments|post comment

23rd February Wednesday at 11:32pm Have you ever had to take one of those really big shits where you feel like you're about to blow your O-ring? I think I need to drink more water. Perhaps it's the combination of chocolate and graham crackers. 2 comments|post comment

Ronnie loves me 23rd February Wednesday at 10:15pm I have a confession to make: I'm a Republican junkie. I know, I know- it seems odd, but there's a special warmth to the Republican party members, and more particularly, their offspring, that I just can't find anywhere else. So, I have a new plan. I'm going to sleep with a descendent of Ronald Reagan. Now, I know what you're thinking- what about Nancy? She's been with the man! She's had the man in her! She's been closer to Ronnie's sacred sperm than I ever have a chance of achieving. Well, the fact of the matter is while Reagan is certainly her legal surname, she is not, in actuality, a Reagan. Plus the woman's breasts hang to her knees. I hope you all can accept my plan, and help me fulfill it. Help me trace Ronnie's offspring, and his offspring's offspring, and so on (though no kids, plz, or at least none that look like they're under 15) and help me live my dream. A Bush twin works, too. 4 comments|post comment

23rd February Wednesday at 2:01pm You know, I've been thinking a lot about my sexuality of late. Its cool and all to share the love, but since the herpes scare, I've been thinking a lot. I mean, I still don't know if I have it or not, and I so dearly want to be angry with James, but he's not to blame, he didn't know. I guess I'll just have to play it safe, keep on checking, not sleep with anyone I care about, no matter how hot they are. It is like I am being punished, I mean, WHY GOD WHY? If I were to have babies, would they have herpes? They'd also be scarred for life. Maybe I should just go back to school and get a certificate in massage, which would be a nice job, I think, I should be able to resist temptation. Fuck this, I'm going to eat some graham crackers. 1 comment|post comment

23rd February Wednesday at 1:21am I just got done eating three pounds of fudge. 17 comments|post comment

21st February Monday at 11:10pm I have the next two days off! Hurrah! Work really sucked today. The highlight was this customer that kept asking me for my personal phone number and he had the sexiest English accent. I have to admit that I did get a little wet, but of course, I couldn't really do anything. I could have gotten in big trouble if I had done that. But after that call, all I could think about was my vibrator waiting for me at home. Over the weekend, I went to a bar after work with some of my friends and I met this guy that kept buying me drinks. He was sorta cute and he kept "accidentally" brushing his hand across my arse. I think I might have humoured him a bit too much because by my fourth drink, I was ready to go home with him. I can't really remember much of anything after that. I definitely shagged him, I know that for certain. At least he had a decent apartment. I couldn't brave looking at him though. I snuck out of there quickly and took a cab home. 13 comments|post comment

20th February Sunday at 1:50am mood cheerful music The Shinging on DVD YAY! MY NEW TEN AM TO SEVEN PM SHIFT STARTS TOMORROW! NO MORE OF THIS NINE PM CRAP! 3 comments|post comment

19th February Saturday at 12:23am In the middle of the night, I like to visit painful memories. The scars with no visible wounds. The sort that we can't see unless you look into my eyes. For the past few nights, I'm been torturing myself with photographs, walking down Memory Lane. Faces of the past. People who no longer call. What should I care if they can't accept me? But it hurts, still. And I know it shouldn't. I'm half to blame, aren't I? Things I said or didn't. Things I did or didn't. 17 comments|post comment

OMFGWTFCHACHACHACHA meme 17th February Thursday at 4:18pm mood working If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought? stolen from melodywhore 12 comments|post comment

15th February Tuesday at 7:15pm Argh. I don't use gradients and layers as much as I want to. Mostly because when I put too many gradients, the photo beneath it or whatever goes all weird and it become less and less easy to see it. I can't seem to get a clear icon out of it. Does anyone know how to use gradients and such without making the clearness of the photo turn to crap? *whinges & begs* pleeeeeeeease? 10 comments|post comment

Because I am a Nerd. 15th February Tuesday at 1:49am I'm working up a photographic post but now I'm afraid the person I was doing it for is going to think I'm doing it because of a comment made. :( I swear I was working on one, slowly but surely. It's hard when all you have is your crap camera phone, and I was thinking I might slurge and get a digital camera tomorrow. Or the scanner/printer I wanted, since my scanner has DIED on me. So in place of that, till I decide tomorrow, I'm posting some muuuuuuuuusic. ( Enjoy! ) 5 comments|post comment

14th February Monday at 2:45am mood calm music David Grey - My Oh My I've had a good week, despite the setbacks at work. Seriously. I was off work on Friday and Saturday. Yay for personal days! Friday, I got The Pool in the post! Finally! I ordered two movies I've been wanting for a long, long time. And it had been a week and a half and I was gettting disheartened. All right, so I knew it would be a little lame. And it was, but... Oh, James was adorable in it. And then I was like, "Well, both of the movies I ordered were ordered the same day... Maybe I'll get the other tomorrow?" And lo and behold. I open the mailbox Saturday, and viola! There's Bollywood Queen and an envelope on top of it. With my name on it. With the familiar markings of my check, days early! I was so excited, I ran all the way back to the flat and promptly had to pee from my excitement. Haha. Mercy and I watched Bollywood Queen together like the big dorks we are! And then I made an icon. I'm not too pleased with it right now, but I'll work on it later, I suppose. Anyway, now I'm off to bed. Tomorrow's my Friday and then another two days off. Ahh, short weeks rule. PS. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY GOOD DAVID GREY SONGS TO REC? I'M LOVING THIS ONE LOADS AND LOADS. 6 comments|post comment

Bright Young Things 9th February Wednesday at 7:20am mood cheerful music Ghanima - Phantom (omg it's almost done!) I read loads of reviews of Bright Young Things that told me absolutely nothing. They said it was dull; they said it was overdone. I've learnt never to trust reviewers for the most part (when someone says that James Mcavoy is too young to play Leto II even though she claimed to have read the books... yeah. Leto II was 9. Nine Mcavoy was 24 when he played Leto II.). Really, I found it refreshing. The sadness of the film was so layered that it crept up on you. ...the film starts with a party called Inferno in the 1940s. Britain is on the brink of war, but all the celebrities who are celebrities because of title or fortune (think Paris Hilton with personality) could care less. They're intent on doing every drug they can find (specifically one called coke - it's the latest rage) and boozing it up. They live life as one enormous party, dancing around for the presses. As much as they hate the press, they'd be nothing without it. Most of them know it on some level. The only bad publicity is no publicity. Enter Mr Chatterbox. Unbeknownst to most of the 'celebrities,' there is a traitor in their midst. One of their own is writing their dirty, little secrets for all the world to see. Enter the beginning of their mortality. Lord Simon Balcairn (James Mcavoy) is their traitor, and after a libelous 'scoop,' he proceeds to kill himself (omg! OVEN!?). At first, it doesn't sink in for the rest of them that they won't be able to live forever in their happy little world. Soon sodomy charges, mental institutions, and war come crashing in on the socialites. Besides the cheeky dialogue, hilarious situations, and some tear-jerking moments, the movie has great acting. Stephen Campbell Moore and Emily Mortimer are brilliant as the star-crossed lovers. But it's really Mcavoy who steals the show. His Lord Balcairn is hilarious, poignant, and heartbreaking as a celebrity who's lost everything but his title. *** out of 4 stars 1 comment|post comment

8th February Tuesday at 12:38am mood crappy music james reading the bad beginning Meh. I hate phones. Do not call me. If you want to talk to me, IM me or Text Message me. 2 comments|post comment

Phone Post 7th February Monday at 10:16pm VoicePost 620K 2:49 (no transcription available) 1 comment|post comment